sedimentary thought

it’s chilly with sunny overtones

and bright and paisley and

everything else inside my head

while I am wondering

wishing

asking myself those questions about

who when why where and

what the fuck.

Clenching

my teeth,

my fist

my brain

trying to grasp

circle the wagons

get around

the concept of what anything that comes

into my head

via my ears or my eyes

might possibly

really

mean.

Quandary.

misunderstanding leading emotion

and feeling

and that whole brigade of

“what the hell was I thinking”

makes me waste a lot more time on this

this thing

this….what even IS this?

waste a lot more time contemplating

any and every and each tiny little piece of this.

apologies pile up like dirty laundry

emotions, so thick

you bat them away like flies

and then you’re gone, again.

flitting off on the next who why where when

what the fuck

and leaving this question to resurface

and reignite deep in my chest

like a well kindled fire that you thought had burned out.