love junkie

trying to sort all of this out

it’s dope

I’m hopped up on it, all the time

and its coursing through my veins

controlling my thoughts

actions

motivations

life.

Addicted, looking to trash whatever

comes between me and this feeling

you

instilled in me,

this idea that

we are more than me

and the concept that you

are everything.

Crashing

sure, sometimes

I come down

from soaring, wanting, waiting

when you speak the words

 logic

that run counter to the addict’s mentality

I have so easily fallen into.

I need a fix.

I need to score.

again.

I need to get back to whatever it was

i shot up

snorted

inhaled

from you

that made me see the world

and all these colors

and all these emotions

and feelings

 and this buzz

and I can’t even find a good vein anymore

I’d like to take a hit.

You.

It seems like it should be something more than it is

but it’s really as small

and as simple

and as minor as a nickel bag

or a single joint

or the remnants of powder left on your vanity.

I can’t come clean.

I can’t detox

because I’m in denial I even have a problem

that I have an issue

I just know life would end

and quickly

and badly

if I didn’t have this…high.

you.

me.

we.

and all the things that entails, and I believe in this and you and us

like anything and everything and nothing else.

I need an in.

a connection

someone who knows how to get me more…you.

I need to burn the mainline,

my need for this love affair is festering

I’m a Klingon in a back alley

your cooperation is…imperative

required…

expected.

I can’t breathe…I’m slipping

flipping out

burning up

dying down.

You.

my morning wake-up,

my midnight toke.

I’m too far gone.

lost

past due

beyond saving

past the point

of any return.