reality, eluding

it’s my dark reality

a man of destiny

all they do is break your heart

it all seems small

ridiculously insignificant

every now and then

like a flash of lightning

gone

before I could really seize hold

I sensed what our future

could really be

for a few seconds

I actually felt  destiny within my grasp

but the sensation slipped away

eluding me

the delicacy of her features

the musical quality of her voice

reminders of my time in heaven

she, my guide

my private angel

I tempted fate

and now the future will take care of itself

no more dream like existence

I had fallen in love with a woman

whom I admired as much as I loved her

and the memory burns

a flash of pain

heartbreak

crying out

not from my heart

but in my soul

spreading like cancer

and at once I knew

with bitter conviction

that happiness may never return to my life

until at last I find myself