faith’s variation

your touch is plastic

cold and smooth, automatic, artificial

substituting for a need

pinch hitting for a thought inside of me

my trust in you is in me, don’t you see?

it’s a leap of faith

nothing tangible,

nothing reasonable

irrational at best

two plus two is four

but did you love me

when we first kissed?

there is no postulate, no Newtonian law

no greater understanding

to help me reconcile why she loved me

or if she loved me

or could she love me?

me?

it’s never a given, never to be taken for granted

we hang our hopes on someone else’s shoulders

we get mad when they let us down

why?

we had faith in our own judgement – our own belief

not in them

how can we believe someone else’s heart

when it can never be known to us?

your actions told me otherwise

while your lips worked overtime:

my ears betray my heart

contradict my mind

I listened

when you sang the song I requested

and I ignored that same old refrain

everytime it came around

maybe I should sing now

write my own song

so that someone

can

sing along

with

me

for once.

My words.

My dreams.

the notes I wrote for you

lost in a sea of transcription

making them foreign to me once more…

like a new performance

a variation

familiar new experience

or were we just decomposing all along?